The Scent of Success
A little background first. There are a number of 'limited-edition' perfumes on the market, priced very high, and named after a number of 'celebrities'. Not too long ago there was an 'Eau de SRK', and more recently, another in the name of Paris Hilton. Of course, these are synthetic chemicals with not the faintest hint of what SRK or Paris actually smell like. But what if one made perfumes that actually smell of their names?
That is my million-dollar idea. To make perfumes from swabs from selected famous people and sell them at fantastic prices to their followers and worshippers.
For example, a Parfum de le Main, made of hexane-swabs of the nails, fingers, palms and hands of the leader of the Congress Party, to be made in two editions. A Premium Edition, consisting of the above, and a 'Collectors' Edition' comprising the same with nail-clippings additional. The Premium retailing for $1000 and the Collectors' for $5000 should make me a neat pile. I'm sure there is plenty of money in Swiss Bank accounts to fund my venture.
Another one I am going to distill is Le cendre Amma from the soles and toes of a famous lady. In line with the traditions of Jaya-worship, the hexane extract will be dried and mixed with sacred ash. Applied on the forehead, it should simulate the supreme ritual of falling at the goddess' feet. This should retail comfortably at $500.
Yet another perfume is Parfum Cerveau. It shall come in three editions - 'Zewail', 'Watson' and 'Hawking', and intended for sale to chemists, biologists and physicists. The mixture shall consist of the forehead extracts of these great scientists, to which a dash of coffee shall be added. The application of this perfume should spark more papers in Nature by its bearers, or so I hope. But given that my targetted market is pathetically underpaid in proportion to its skills, I shouldn't dream of selling my product for more than $50.
For all the followers of India's visionary head of state, Le Magique Kalam should be just right. It shall, as must have been guessed, be made chiefly of teardrops carefully collected from the seer. As these followers are largely impecunious students, and as the visionary teardrops are copious, I would distribute at only $5 a bottle.
But the major part of my income should come from perfumes distilled from certain body parts of a number of 'celebrities', not renowned for intellect, power or talent, but merely for possessing an apparently attractive physique, and the charms which suitably exhibited, induce primeval feelings among menfolk. These I intend to produce in extremely limited editions. Ownership of these will be transferred to prospective acquisitors by private auctions, beginning at $50,000.
As Rumia has limited sources of income currently, which are unable to prevent its economy from imminent collapse, it is hoped that this bold venture would go a long way in balancing its fortunes. All the well-wishers of the republic are encouraged to submit further ideas that they may have, and we shall be not lacking in the will to share our hopefully obscene profits.