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I have been a very good boy this year. I attended Parliament for a full half Session. I only had three walkouts and threw only one microphone. I only defected twice and split my party once. The other boys attend only a quarter Session, walk out seven times, throw four microphones, split parties thrice and defect five times a year. So, I have been very well-behaved this year. If you disagree, I will not be able to help if a privilege motion comes up against you.
This year I only want two gifts. First, please make me the Chief Minister of Bechara Pradesh. There are elections next year, and I know I will not keep my seat. But as CM, I can use the government funds to announce nice schemes for the poor which will get me re-elected.
Amru, Kalu and Raju are going to split their People’s Development Party (We Tell You We’re Serious) and join me. I have sent them such sweet Christmas presents. Lovely tapes of phone conversations with their rival PDP (Believe Us) when they were trying to bring down the current PDP (Of Course We’re Serious) Chief Minister Mullu last year. I bugged them with such love, they’ll adore their gifts!
Once that’s done, I’ll have the 41 MLAs I need to touch the halfway mark. It is such a Sad Thing, dear Santa, that they have abolished defections. I need just one more MLA to vote Mullu out and get Guvvie to swear me in.
For that I’m getting Garibjantapur constituency from Sallu. After he gets my Christmas present he’ll give it to me. I have sent him a pretty Colour Xerox (on Executive Bond Paper) of the regularisation letter he gave to Ajju. Sallu’s a good boy, isn’t he? He defected only thrice in his career. You know that letter, when Ajju built an illegal printing press in his house when Sallu was mayor?
So once Ajju resigns, 41 will make the majority and I can become CM. There’s a dam waiting to be sanctioned in Garibjantapur, which I’m going to gift them for Christmas. Then they’ll vote for me. They’ll be so glad, won’t they! I’m Santa’s little good boy, I am!
I’ve made Guvvie the cutest Christmas present he’ll ever get. When he was just a University Professor, there was this awfully sweet picture of him with a pretty Lecturer. I’ve had it enlarged and placed in a gilded frame. He’s going to be so happy to get his present!
Second, please give Maya a broken leg. She is such a bad girl.
I’m so happy this Christmas. I wish Brotherhood among Men and Peace upon Earth. I hope there won’t be a dreadful breach of privilege.
Merry Christmas and Glad New Year.