Blessed Bulwer-Lytton be. And blessed be the English department at San Jose State University who run the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. Which is, in their own words:
a whimsical literary competition that challenges entrants to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels.
A global phenomenon now in its 28th year, the BLFC award goes this time to Molly Ringle, for her sentence:
For the first month of Ricardo and Felicity's affair, they greeted one another at every stolen rendezvous with a kiss – a lengthy, ravenous kiss, Ricardo lapping and sucking at Felicity's mouth as if she were a giant cage-mounted water bottle and he were the world's thirstiest gerbil.
For those challenged for an image, I trawled the internet and found this one. Note the sound effects:
I shudder to imagine what the rest of the novel (never to be written) might be like. But yes, I agree with the author in my dislike of public displays of affection. Nothing more disgusting than watching a couple make out in public, not even the sight of someone mooning you during your morning commute.
Full marks, Molly Ringle!